[XML-SIG] hi :o)

Fri, 26 Oct 2001 02:28:05 +0100

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Hello :o) 
check this funny story out hehehe 
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Notes From an Inexperienced Curry Taster Named FRANK, who was
visiting
Phoenix
(A very Indian suburb of Durban, South Africa).

"Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a curry
cook-off. The
original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened
to be
standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the
beer wagon when
the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple of
local
Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides,
they told
me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Curry # 1: Manoj's Maniac Mobster Monster Curry

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK:  Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove
dried paint
from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I
hope that's
the worst one. These charo's are crazy.

Curry # 2: Applesamy's Afterburner Curryr Curry

JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tangs.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
FRANK:  Keep this out of reach of children I'm not sure what I
am supposed
to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted
to give me
the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they
saw the look
on my face.

Curry # 3: Farouk's Famous Burn Down the Barn curry

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse curry Great kick. Need more
beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red
peppers.
FRANK:  Call Colesburg, I've located a uranium spill. My nose
feels like I
have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get
me more
beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my
backbone is in
the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the
beer.

Curry # 4: Barbu's Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for
fish or other

mild foods, not much of a curry.
FRANK:  I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was
unable to taste
it, is it possible to burn out taste buds? Savathree, the
barmaid, was
standing behind me fresh refills; that 300 lbs. bitch is
starting to look
HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is curry an
aphrodisiac?

Curry # 5: Laveshnee's Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato.
Must admit the
cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK:  My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead,
and I can no
longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics.
The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry
had given me
brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
beer
directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips
off? It
really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop
screaming. Screw
those charo's

Curry # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance
of spice and

peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
garlic.
Superb.
FRANK:  My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous, sulfuric
flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat
through my
chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut
Savathree;
she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore.
I need to
wipe my ass with a snow cone.

Curry # 7: Sugash's Screaming Sensation Curry

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned
peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a
can of curry
peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried
about Judge
Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
FRANK:  You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't
feel damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world
sounds like
it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry that
slid
unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit
to match my
damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed
me. I've
decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not
getting any
oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the
4-inch hole
in my stomach.

Curry # 8: Hansraj's Mount Saint Curry

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe
for all not
too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither
mild, nor
hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3
passed out,
fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not
sure if he's
going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd had reacted to a
really hot
curry?
FRANK: (editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)
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Best regards,
Linda

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