[Chicago] Dec. meeting RSVPs - or - how to beat the security ninjas

Josh Cronemeyer jcroneme at thoughtworks.com
Tue Dec 2 21:37:50 CET 2008

> How can you thwart a ninja? I guess I'm a little confused about this.

The AON security ninjas... Should I start from the beginning?  Yes? Ok. It 
is a looong story about ancient Japan.  Two warring feudal lords loved the 
same woman, Iwasaki. Both lords tried to win Iwasaki over with the 
traditional Japaneese gift of love: wooden clogs inlaid with a jade hello 
kitty.  Then on the day Iwasaki was to choose which lord to marry she died 
tragically of a hangnail caused by poorly fitted clogs.  Each of the lords 
blamed the other for her death and the bitter conflict that ensued 
instigated centuries of assasination and espionage. Long after both sides 
of the conflict were all killed the clans of ninjas that were involved, 
known as the Iwasaki ninjas, swore their allegiance to Iwasaki's family. 
That family became wealthy and powerful, but during the 19th century the 
head of the Iwasaki family lost an epic game of flip cup to John D. 
Rockefeller.  The dishonor was so great that afterwards the allegiance of 
the Iwasaki ninjas transferred to Rockefeller.  The ninjas lived secretly 
in Rockefeller's mansion until Rockefeller's death.  In need of a place to 
live, they took over the newly constructed Standard Oil building here in 
Chicago.  They assumed responsibility for building security.  Forty years 
later their only allegiance is to the building and their union, the Local 
Ninjitsu 393.  When you arrive on Thursday, pay attention to the dozens of 
large gongs that line the walls.  Each gong represents a generation of 
Iwasaki ninjas.  DO NOT TOUCH THE GONGS.  A member of the Ruby User Group 
once rang a gong and he swallowed his own tounge under mysterious 
circumstances while giving a talk about ActiveRecord.  Detectives later 
found that one of his notecards had been altered to say:

I need not your needles, they're needless to me;
For kneading of noodles, 'twere needless, you see;
But did my neat knickers but need to be kneed,
I then should have need of your ninjas indeed.

Frankly I wondered what he was talking about, but apparently that is the 
most deadly tongue twister known to man.  Since that day the poor fellow 
has been known in the ruby community as "Because, the unlucky stiff".

Sorry for rambling...  You asked how to thwart a ninja, didn't you?  That 
is easy. You just give me your name on this mailing list and I'll add you 
to the international "I'm Down With The Ninjas" database. 

Ask me anything.  I've got an answer ;)

Josh Cronemeyer
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